Day 41 - 23 November 2009

It seems only yesterday that I was saying how grateful I was to be 15 months clean. Well today it is already 16 months of sobriety. How aboot dat!! Time is a weird thing. I was talking about it with my friend the other day. She was saying when we spoke about my chemo "before you know it, the time will fly past". Time does fly ... when you are having fun. But when you are trying to give up smoking or something, OMW, 5 minutes feels like 5 hours. But that too must be an illusion if 16 months of sobriety seems to have flown by.

I have been feeling weird about this blog!! I am not sure what these feelings are. Sometimes I get bored to write only on the subject of cancer, and other times I feel that I write too much on other things that are irrelevant. I often have to remind myself why and who I am writing for. It is for myself primarily. Regardless of this, I do sometimes feel sensitive about how this writing might affect other people, in a negative way. Why would I feel sensitive if I was really writing for my own self-healing and experience? Sometimes it feels like I am harping too much on "me and my illness", but this is mainly when it doesn't feel like I am really sick. All said and done though, I personally want a record of this experience and all the feelings I had during this experience. So even though I have been considering whether I should continue with this blog or not, the decision is affirmative.

All this thinking and contemplation has taken me to the decision to start 2 new blogs. It will help broaden my horizons and moods. I sometimes don't only want to talk about cancer, so if this be the case, then I can flip to the other blogs of conversation. The one will be what my original primary goal included - addiction recovery - and will more than likely remain anonymous, to allow other contributors the same respect. And the other blog will be about Jordan, a nice record for him to look back on when he is all growed up - to see how annoying and love-able he was. Even though some blogs are not for sharing, to me the technology offers a perfect off-site back-up alternative without having to go the FTP (file transfer protocol) route.

I am also going to try and delay the start of my chemo treatment for the 21 December 2009. School breaks up on the 11th and we want to at least get in a bit of a camping holiday before treatment and the Christmas rush. This way, it is something to look forward to now and it will at least give Jordan a bit of a holiday for school break. It better be okay, because we have already booked. I just have to try and re-schedule Christmas shopping to be before school breaks up. A huge challenge for me when my Christmas shopping is normally done on Christmas eve. Good practice for that procrastination bug.

I am so happy about this job we have just done. A 12-day job was done in 8, which finishes today. So I need to go and get ready for the last day (.)(.)