I can't believe it is nearly the end of the year already. I have achieved quite a lot of my goals this year, thankfully. I have always been a goal-setter and many-a-year they have gone horribly astray, but this year they were right on track. Clearly, my recovery had a lot to do with it. Who would have thought that this little trip was going to be included. In a way, it still seems surreal to me. I don't feel like I have cancer. And quite frankly, I'm quite bored with the whole thing already.
I have only spent 2 real days at home resting and "convalescing", and I'm going out of my head with boredom. Not a good place for me to be. The boredom makes me demotivated to do anything else. There is only so many books one can read, and when my interviewers leave and I have access to my PC, there is a lot I can do - but by then I am so tired of being tired that I can't move my arse to do anything. TV is also driving me up the wall. My energy levels are way down to do even the "fun" type things that have been on my to-do list for a while. Things like sort the photos into Photo collages, walk the dog, knit :-) my new hobby, suduko. Tomorrow night, Hil and I are going to have a night out to try and break this frustrating cabin-fever. She is also feeling it a bit. God help us when I am really sick with the chemo!!
Getting a curve ball like cancer can work out to be quite expensive. Even though medical aid is paying for most of it, there are still the odd things that we have run out of on medical aid because of it being the end of the year. Doctor visits - where some specialists can cost in the region of R650 - and this is without second opinions. Pathologists that cost R1800. Radiologists. OMW, the bills go on!! I think it will probably put us R5k, that wasn't budgeted for, out of pocket. All I can say is thank God I am in a position to afford the extra surprises. Where would I be mentally if this were to be another pressure.
Well I haven't been in much pain, besides the soccer ball pain, which was the last time I took pain killers. If I had to describe what it feels like - well, I am very aware of my boobs in that I can feel everything and all the time - the scars, the perkiness, the nipples. OMW my nipples are extremely sensitive and forever wanting to point - and with all the yawning I do, this happens often. There is sporadic pain, but it happens for just a second where it feels like someone is putting a knitting needle through it. I guess this is the nerves coming alive. My underarm aches the most and is still numb. I believe it is going to be numb for more than 6 months. We changed the dressings ourselves for the first time yesterday. Hil wasn't here, but thankfully I have good friends who could help. I can't believe there is still a stitch that needs removing.
Oncologist today. I hope I don't get frustrated and do the "rescue" thing with him by always wanting to finish his sentences. I am not feeling very compassionate today, so let's hope his stutter is mild (.)(.)
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I reckon that if you don't feel like you have cancer, then it's probably on its way out forever. I think a lot of people decide to let something like cancer define them - clearly you're not one of them, which is a good thing. If you're willing to let go of the cancer, then I reckon the cancer will be willing to let go of you.
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