The hair is going fast now. Hair everywhere feels like having gone to the hairdresser who doesn't clean you off. My shirt and arms almost have more hair than my head. Just yesterday I literally watched my sideburns disappear thanks to my glasses and sunglasses. It is also rather painful to take the glasses on and off. I am sure they are stretched as it was the only way to take the glasses off by stretching them out. Whilst having coffee with my friend, I kept having to wipe the loose hair off my arm ... and I was just sitting still.
The pain, which feels like a thousand little needles - each hair being a needle, first started on the crown on that 1st day. Then 2nd and 3rd day it was the whole top of the head, when I was doing the toupee styling. Yesterday and today it is the sides and back, but no longer on top. This must mean the top is now dead. It is horrible to lay on the pillow with every move going against the grain and being stuck with those hair needles. I don't feel ready to go bald right now, today - but I feel more traumatized to see the bald spots starting to appear as though I have mange.
I'm a little scared that the electric shaver is going to be painful, but I am hoping that once it is done the "hair needle" pain will actually disappear. I am also going to feel cleaner without all this hair all over me, in my bed, on my pillow, in my food, on my books, in Jordan's mouth ... fuck ... everywhere!!! I am also hoping that Ian knows how to be gentle - he is a rather large man that is going to look scary with a shaver in his hand!! :-)
I cried this morning spontaneously, but it doesn't feel like I am crying from a vanity point of view of losing my hair, it's just that I am hating this experience. I also cried spontaneously whilst having my massage with Frank yesterday. I'm not 100% sure why I was crying, it was a conglomeration of things actually. The music, the feeling of safety to let go during one of my visualization rituals and the fact that he found more pains in the whole right side of my back also didn't help. The lymph has started there now in addition to my arm. In the beginning of the massage therapy, it felt like my whole right lung area was bruised and he could hardly even touch it, by the end of the massage though it was more at ease.
Before I got to writing this blog, I was still deciding whether I should hold on for one more day with my hair. My mind was made up when I saw emails from 2 special friends encouraging me and telling me that I am more than my hair. It also helped a stack that my bosom buddy bravely sent me her private photos of her metamorphosis. Thanks guys, I needed to hear that today. I'm crying now as I write this so am going to end off as I can't even see the screen (.)(.)
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Yup, you certainly are so much more than your hair, boobs, whatever. That all is just decoration. It's the Laurie-bit that makes you special.
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