2 of 8 Looms

It's chemo number 2 already tomorrow. Today I have to go for blood tests to make sure that my white blood cells can cope with the onslaught. I feel miserable. I am demotivated to do any work. I don't want to go out as I am a little self-conscious with my head. I don't want to read, write or do anything. I just want to be happy and have my old life back.

I am freaking out about the needles for today and tomorrow. I read in my "Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor" book that one of the patients also had the same freaking-out anxieties and simply asked for white numbing cream that goes on about half an hour before. WHY DON'T DOCTORS TELL US ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS???? They are more interested in putting the R240 next to the time of your appointment in big bold letters. This is obviously the most important thing to them. He better have something to tell me that I don't already know that is worth the R240, otherwise I will bitch about that too.

I am in the perfect frame of mind to let my oncologist know exactly how I feel about their oncology unit. Give him a piece of my disgruntled mind, I will. Luckily for him, I am not the person who only bitches about their problems, I will provide solutions as to how they could run things more friendly and smoothly from a patients point-of-view. Why bitch about a problem unless you have a suggestive solution to go with it.

So I phoned around and there is an over-the-counter cream called Emla that I can try and put on a half an hour before. Let's hope it works. I am also going to take a big dose of Calmettes. I would rather be half-doped in my chair than have to look at a whole bunch of sad-sack old ducks turning yellow and probably talking about their bald heads in Afrikaans. Bleeeuuuggghhh (.)(.)