All good things ... expand ... not come to an end

I am battling to write lately. I don't feel as committed to this blog like I have been since the beginning. I feel that daily postings is going to be a thing of the past.

Quite frankly, I have different things I want to expand on and/or worry about - more than cancer. Right now, our biggest concern is Jordan's behavior - he is testing boundaries left, right and centre and it is completely exhausting. He does have a lot to cope with at present - new grade with a whole new ball game of harder work, new teacher much stricter to what he has ever known, me and the unpredictablity that lies ahead as well as his conflicting feelings of the NOW. He is playing out big time and it is hard to get through to him. This is where our main focus is going to be for now.

I started making posts on MyPicanninJordan blog - this could help counteract the immediate challenge as it takes me to the good points and memories of Jordan.

As for my cancer - I live with the disease on a daily basis, but my journey and experiences is not all about this disease. This is where I need to expand, as I am finding it difficult to make a post on the subject when I have not had an experience relating to it. By not making a post however, I risk losing a memory that I want noted. So for now, I will commit to a weekly or bi-weekly post - infact whenever the mood or experience has something to say - but I will not let it go longer than a week, for my own sake.

My expansion, and new self-made projects that I am working on is taking me to where I want to and need to be. That is working on my other recovery in a way that will end up helping other people. This is the next step of recovery for me - keeping what we have by giving it away. Although this project is going to end up being very lucrative, it still feels like a part of a "service-role" for me. So watch this space in 2011 when my efforts will be launched.

Synchronicity still remains a big part of my life. On Saturday 23 January I will be 18 months clean. This is a recognizable milestone in recovery. It was only yesterday I was wondering which meeting I should go to - to collect my "little black number" key-ring. During the day I got an email from a recovery friend asking for help on a specific subject that I know lots about. So my celebration was chosen for me, which includes me having to give a share at a specific meeting that has a lot of newcomers. Service, service, service ... and it feels good. It also felt like an answer from God about my recent frustrations and confusions of "where to from here?" Which, has led me to making a decision that now feels like the right path.

On top of that - I still am in regular contact with Oriah (oh yes, we are on a first name basis now). In Zimbabwe, we were taught to show our respect to others by calling them Mr and Mrs unless they approved otherwise. It is a little old fashioned these days, but I still hold those "respect values". However, it is unlikely I would call her Mrs Mountain Dreamer or Mrs House (her real name), but when referring to her, I would normally, out of respect, say her full name ... but no ... we are one-to-one now baby :-). The fact that she wrote this to me yesterday "Laurie, congratulations - on sobriety and on opening your heart to yourself. Yes!" is another confirmation of a prayer answered - so it is all good and I am feeling complete gratitude (.)(.)