I figured that it might be a good idea to work with what I have. I mean, let's be honest, fat looks so much better brown than white and bald looks so much better exposed than dooked. With this in mind, I decided to go public and do the "Sinead O'Connor" expose at a shopping centre.
At first, I was a little shy and asked Hil not to leave me. Normally she is unable to sit still for more than 5 minutes and goes off shopping whilst I finish my coffee or read the newspaper. Today, she kindly just fidgeted at the table until we were finished, and then we did the bank thing and left.
I did get the odd glare, but I tried not to show my shyness and walked with my head held high. I think it might be worse when I bump into someone I know. Baby steps for now and before you know it ... I will be flaunting it man!!! Strutting my thing with hips a-swingin and a-swaying. The brown blubber will be hidden though. :-)
I got such a nice chart from a new friend Karen. She is also going through the same thing as me (in Jozi). Karen created a chart/game with a hole bunch of sick and sad looking emoticons - she calls them FACC's (Fucking Alien Cancer Cells). Then there are a bunch of pink daisies that you cover the FACC's with each passing day (each daisy gets a name of someone who has supported us through this dreadful time).
That's the one cool thing about this journey. There is almost like a fraternity amongst us patients who just want to help each other. Like I have mentioned before, there seems to be a bond that gets formed as we relate to each others suffering and hoping. Awesome I tell you.
Feeling so much better today - only took one puke pill. The milder one called Clopaman - I will never forget the name of this pill as it sounds like "klap hom man" ... so it is no surprise that I have the urge to say as I swallow them "klap hom bokkie, klap hom" ... Afrikaans chemo lounges make me think the weirdest things! (.)(.)
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Reading your day to day journey always brings a smile to my face - you gonna win this battle dol, just hang in there! Michelle xxx
ReplyDeleteChuffed to hear you bared your head (and soul) in public. I think your bald head looks gorgeous. Emoticon/ daisy chart sounds like a great idea - very motivating for those difficult days.
ReplyDeleteI have missed reading your life - have just caught up this morning. My what a journey already. I feel as though i have just stepped off a roller coaster so goodness knows how you must be feeling - all the emotions you are experiencing is enough to exhaust you. Trust your path and process, this is the path you chose and whilst you may not understand it all now it will make sense the further you go on. We never choose more than we can cope with - you are in exactly the right place for you right now. You have a lot to be proud of and are cushioned with so much love. Do yourself a favour and when you next get to a book shop bless yourself with Echhart Tolle - Oneness with all life - Inspirational Selections from a New earth. This is my chosen inspiration for the year ahead. And for you today: quote: 'Thinking isolates a situation or event and calls it good or bad, as if it had a separate existence. Through excessive reliance on thinking, reality becomes fragmented. This fragmentation is an illusion, but it seems very real while you are trapped in it. And yet the universe is an indivisible whole in which all things are interconnected, in which nothing lives in isolation. The deeper interconnectedness of all things and events implies the the mental labels of 'good' and 'bad' are ultimately illusory. They always imply a limited perspective and so are true only relatively and temporarily' unquote. Peace and love Laurie x Peace and love xx
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