Day 55 - 07 December 2009

My garden is so happy today - it is drizzling. Quite a welcome refresher from all the heat.

Being in costume attire most of yesterday, which includes a sarong, I started playing around with the sarong on my head - bandanna style. I took a few photos and sent it to my Jhb friends to get their take on it. We all came to the consensus that it actually looks quite nice. I don't look like Mrs Naidoo either. It felt like when we were kids and used to put the towel on our head after a swim - to pretend we had long flowing hair. This is what it felt like. I told Hil this morning that it might feel quite nice with no hair. She asked "in what way" - I said, "it will certainly feel cooler being summer". Knowing me probably better than I know myself, she doesn't agree and thinks I am going to feel very naked. I'm probably going to go for my "number 2" haircut on the 22nd or 23rd December - so I have 2 weeks left of "long flowing hair". She says with a flick to the right.

We put our Christmas Tree up yesterday - so together with the count-down to Christmas via the chocolate run (Advent calendar) - we are in the hyperactive phase of the year. Somehow we seem to go with the flow more when Jordan is on holiday. Which the school has irresponsibly decided will start on Wednesday instead of Friday!! Luckily this decision doesn't really affect us as we are not the 9-5 workers who have to now desperately look for alternative day care in the middle of a week.

I have been having very vivid dreams of late. I like it when I remember my dreams as I am of the belief that this is one way that the soul gets to communicate. It is a simple belief based on the fact that the soul precedes words and best communicates via images and feelings. Whatever interpretation you put on that dream is generally the message you need. I could be wrong, but it works for me. Sometimes though, the interpretation is not so pleasant, but at least you become aware of something that you can work on. My latest dream was that I was trying to get to Llandudno from Camps Bay ... by foot. It included having to climb a huge slippery rock that everyone else around me had no problem climbing. I just couldn't do it. Hmmm. Many ways to decipher that one, but my interpretation had more to do with character defects than my physical condition.

My boobies still feel very tight and perky. I was telling my friend yesterday that it feels like someone pulled a string rather tightly either side to give them that lift. They are still numb at the bottom, as is my right underarm. It is a rather weird sensation when I need to scratch. They seem to be itchy inside, where I can't get to. I have quite a noticeable dent in my right boob where the tumor was. I am sure it is more noticeable since the swelling has gone down. I have also never inspected my boobs as much as I am doing now. The right boob has started those sporadic sharp pains again. I am sure this is still the process of everything coming alive.

I still nurture my boobs with their home comfort of hugging a soft feather pillow when I go to sleep. It feels very comforting, but I hope I am not taking it to the extent of the "pillow hug" becoming my security blanket. For now, I am going to continue to believe that it just feels soothingly soft and cool against my breasts (.)[](.)