The carols by candlelight was somewhat weird last night. Glorious summer evening and market to go with it but the carols was all rock-ified. They had a band leading, and it felt like we were to watch a concert rather than all have a sing-a-long. It was still enjoyable and quite fantastic how a community really supports a good cause. We all had to pay R10 for the carols of which the proceeds went to our local Home of Hope charity helping orphaned kids. So they did well with thousands of people there to support, with their picnic baskets in tow. But try singing "Oh come all ye faithful" to the beat of "we will, we will, rock you". It's almost like rock is the in-thing these days - first ABBA, now Carol. I'm sure it was one of those pentecostal church bands who think the next best thing to cool is rock.
After the "carol concert" I settled in to watch a movie on TV called "Why I wore red lipstick to my mastectomy". It was quite a sweet movie of which I could totally relate to many of her thoughts and feelings. Apart from the red lipstick of course. It's a pity I have never been a lipstick chick. It would really come in handy when I am bald .. you know, to distract people to my face rather than my head. When I wear lipstick though, I subconsciously pucker my lips because of its discomfort. It must look like I am constantly wanting to suck through a straw. I even do the air kisses like the french (mwa mwa either side of the cheek) when someone wants to attack me with a lipstick kiss. Lipstick reminds me of my Aunty Dot when I was a kid. You know those aunts who always want to kiss you with their wrinkled red thick juicy lips - and that is all you see are those lips coming in for the attack as you close your eyes and relent.
I haven't been scared for a while now about my cancer, like she was in the movie. I wonder why I am not scared any more, especially as the worst is still to come. Is it part of the acceptance? Is it the strength of God that I and many others have prayed for? Is it denial? Is it luck? Is it boredom? It is rather dull to live in fear, or pretend you are scared (to get the sympathy) without doing anything about it. Will I still feel the same way after my 1st chemo on the 18th? I think it has done me well to live one day at a time and not question the good things.
I stocked up today on immune building goodies from the health shop. Dried goji berries to put in my muesli, Cili-Bao anti-oxidant juice, honeyed ginger tea for the nausea. Bloody expensive this health stuff. Imagine if Oros cost R140!!
Last appointment with the architect is on 14th and I am definitely going to make a concerted effort to do that kidney test by Tuesday. But until then, I am going to spend time in the garden because ... the summer is magic, it's magic ... oh yeah (.)(.)
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