It has taken me an hour from the time I woke up to writing my first word ... rebooting, making tea, rebooting, reading emails, rebooting ... then sitting with a big exclamation mark !!! in my head. You know the normal "duh" thoughts of a sleepy head. I certainly do feel more relaxed now that I have direction, and because of it I am sleeping much better.
In our house, sleep deprivation, interruption or insomnia doesn't usually come in the form of stress and worry, it generally comes in the form of "Daphne" my 17 year old nocturnal delight. She has frequent eating needs and gets lonely at night. I love her to bits and we have a very special bond - infact she only loves me - as much as that sounds a little self-important, I mean it in the most humble way. I think it is because we really bond in the quiet moments of my late nighters. I'm sure she believes I am staying up especially for her undivided attention and entertainment. But I love it too, those special moments you know. The fact that I feed her might also have something to do with it though.
Even when I used to go to Jhb, our friend's cat always used to make a bee-line for me ... want to sleep with me, rub against me, watch TV with me, want me to feed her ... I don't know what it is actually - cats dig me!! So it is hard for me to get angry with Daphne, even when she is the source of major discomfort in the sleep department. Besides the fact that cats don't respond to "Shut the F@#$ Up Man!!!" when they purposefully pounce playfully on the wooden floors at ungodly hours of the morning. Daphne is just delighted to get a response. So yes, I am sleeping well and am not even hearing Daphne at night.
I don't know if it is my imagination, but my underarms have been aching ... ever since they told me that they were going to check and probably remove the nodes under my arms. This is probably going to cause the most discomfort of the whole op. It is in such an awkward part on my body. Does this mean I have to walk with my arms up ... like I am in a constant "wave" stance. Hmmm ... won't quite go with the pained look I am likely to have on my face - you know the one where it looks like you have a really bad smell under your nose.
When I think of the timing of this hiccup, it actually couldn't have come at a better time. I would definitely not have been ready for it 15 months ago. Back then, it would have just been another reason to piss it up in self-pity. Being the end of the year also has its timing benefits - work is never that pressurized this time of year with everyone already planning holidays and Christmas. It generally annoys me, but right now I am blessed by it. Then there is the Medical Aid - I get to use up the rest of this year's funds and in a short 2 months there is a whole lot of new funds available. So one doesn't have to look hard to find the small blessings in life. (.)(.)
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Your attitude rocks!! From the sounds of it, this probably is the best time for the cancer to have reared its ugly head. Okay, I suppose it would have been best if it never reared its head in the first place. But, I'm sure in the end it will prove to be one of the best things that has ever happened to you, because it is going to accelerate your growth and get you skipping through the 12-step program in no time.
ReplyDeleteI think you are so right...'one doesn't have to look hard to find the small blessings in life'..your mind-set is just 'WAY-HUGE' dealing with your current "hiccup" (your words, not mine!!)and still stopping to smell the roses - thanks for the reminder, STOP and SMELL (I normally smell stinky boys shoes and boy smells!!) so I am SO going outside to pick some MINT, rub my hands together AND BREATHE!! - MAY THE BLESSINGS BIG AND SMALL CONTINUE TO FIND YOU LAUR - not only because you DESERVE them, you APPRECIATE and ACKNOWLEDGE the BLESSINGS x x
ReplyDeleteChick, I wet my panties laughing and I cried where appropriate....if there is such a thing. We've spoken for years about you writing....and I must say....I've thoroughly enjoyed the last 45 minutes catching up on your blog....you've stayed true to yourself, you write the way you sound and have given such a clear insight into where your life is at this moment in time. My love to you, Hil and Jordan.
ReplyDeleteGezxxxx