My PC is on a real "go slow" these last few days - very frustrating. I'm not hinting or anything for my laptop to come quicker b.t.w. :-)
Yesterday it was hard to hear that one of the mothers from our school had lost her battle with cancer and died early hours of the morning. Only then did it occur to me that she had died exactly the same hour and day as my first girlfriend did 21 years ago. It's a no wonder I've been feeling extra sad. I always am this time of the year. I remember watching this mother's little girl at the concert singing on Wednesday night and thinking "I wonder how your mommy's doing" as we have often prayed for her during assembly. It was a rhetorical question though and I didn't expect an answer, let alone so soon. It is this little girl that I feel for the most as she was so very close to her mommy, although I was happy to see at our school market on Saturday that she is just as close to her dad who clearly adores her.
Even though I have personally known many who have died from cancer, I also have my role-models who have survived it and who I know personally. I also don't think it is "negative thinking" to consider my own mortality. It's reality. I am grateful however that the logistics of such a fate was sorted out when Jordan was born, so I don't have to be worrying about those kind of details while trying to stay focused on the real issue at hand.
I'm not really that scared of dying, I have my own comforting thoughts and beliefs on what happens on the other side. And I hate to be the bearer of this bad news peeps, but there is one guarantee in life - we are all going to die. I just don't want to go via a sickness. I would rather go in a more grandiose way where I am on the front page of the newspaper and it was quick, painless and I didn't see it coming. So even though I don't think that this is my time to go, it does put things in perspective about living.
I wonder what the whole deal is with those words "lost the battle with". It sounds awful actually. To think of a whole battle coming - within my own body. But if these be the words that are understood, then ... I am a fighter. Always have been, always will be.
I didn't get caught without a helmet on my scooter ride, and I didn't have an afternoon nap yesterday - but both were exhausting, so I ended up going to bed at 7.30pm. I would have gone at 5pm if I could have. It was lekker. I can't believe it is Friday already - this week seems to have flown past. Well the one good thing is that today I am 15 months clean and am grateful that those birds I hear at 5am announcing it is officially summer are no longer a luss because of a hangover. These days, I love to wake up before the birds and listen to them wake up. (.)(.)
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Congrats on the 15 month anniversary. I once read a speech by a Pulitzer Prize winner. She said that one should view life as a terminal illness, because eventually we all die - thus live every day as if it's your last whether you're sick or healthy. Life in general is a battle and the cancer is just a continuation of that battle for you. Many people lose the battle by giving up on their lives - their hearts may still beat and their lungs still fill with oxygen, but in their minds they are already dead. You are not one of those people - you managed to win the battle with your recovery, so no doubt you'll sail over this new hurdle. Big Love. Tx
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