New Moon Rising

This week gone by I accomplished quite a lot. I klapped the 3rd round of chemo without much strain. Started and completed the fieldwork of a market research project. Went to a tennis and cricket match that Jordan made the team for. Been out on 3 dinner dates. Attempted to re-start my exercise regime with a walk on the beach ... it failed however when my scooter ran out of petrol. Went shopping twice - first round bought me a great pair of track shoes and second round 2 nice hats. Went to physio. Visited the travel agent to start planning our holiday for when treatment is finished, which I worked out should actually all finish around 05 July 2010. I'm not sure how I thought it would all be over by the 01 September, I suppose this is the date I had in my mind for when I expect hair to be on my head.

I also managed to put on another kg ... up to 5kgs now!! I asked the oncologist about this weight thing, and he confirmed that the chemo does slow down the metabolism - which lack of exercise is not helping much. Hence my attempt to get back in the saddle of exercise.

I still believe that the steroids and cortisone are to blame for my healthy appetite which sees me pigging out for up to 4 days after each treatment. I am generally not a pig-out eater, so what other explanation could there be!! It does seem to settle into a normal eating routine from about day 5. The concern and discomfort of the weight gain has accelerated me into action though - i.e. new eating habits and exercise attempts - so this is a good thing.

Chemo experience seems to be getting better. I had the best (Lazy-Boy) seat in the house for the Australian Open Men's Semi-Final. I think I watched all of 2 serves though. I was sitting next to a chatter box, and next thing - I looked up at the TV and the whole match was finished, but so was my chemo visit. It went really quickly this time around and I was extremely grateful to Auntie Chatterbox. I am also becoming quite the pro with the needle routine. Emlo (numbing cream) is my best friend and I am so happy I found it. My white blood cells continue to impress but my veins still ache. The chemo burnt quite a bit this time around. When I asked the sister why, she said she didn't know. I jokingly said that I was glad she was not my oncologist with that kind of response to which she took great offence. Oops!!

My relationship with the oncologist remains a challenge. I find he treats me with contempt. Hil doesn't warm to him either. He has like a patronizing smirk on his face the whole time. You know the kind of face that is slappable. Because I had such a bad 2nd round of chemo, he ended up writing a whole bunch of prescriptions for me, which I might add has really helped as I have had very little symptoms this time around, apart from metal mouth and the slight hangover feel. When I asked him whether any of these drugs he was prescribing are addictive - he went through the list saying no, no, no and ended off with "and I have not found 1 person who has become addicted to chemo!!" I should have said "OMG, you made a joke!!" He actually said that no drugs that I have taken thus far and to do with cancer is addictive. He must have seen my eyebrow raise and read my mind saying "hello ... morphine??" because he answered my thoughts straight away which was quite an eye-opener to me. In fact, I am still wondering if it was an irresponsible explanation from a professional to a recovering addict. He said that not even morphine is addictive if it is administered properly. Huh!! He reckons that people get addicted to the euphoria that morphine creates, but if one doesn't allow the morphine to drop, but keeps it at a constant level, the patient would never feel that euphoria. Interesting.

One thing he did make me feel better about is when I told him that I don't seem to have the same faith as other people when it comes to chemo "saving my life" and I was in fact pissed off about having to take it. He confirmed that I have every right to be pissed off and that it was normal for me to feel that way because I was taking it for preventative purposes and could not see the results of my efforts. So that made me feel a bit better. Somehow, getting it all out (bitching and moaning) seems to have changed my perspective a bit as I am working with my treatment and allowing it to fit in with MY LIFE. I make the most of and look forward to the 2 weeks in between treatments when I feel really well.

I have become quite comfortable with my baldness, although other people remain to be uncomfortable. I have realised that their discomfort is probably still related to not knowing how to handle the subject of cancer, which clearly is what my baldness indicates - either that or they don't know how to tell me how strange I look. I find myself playing with it now - you know, shock tactics. Like when I went hat shopping. It is nothing for me to take off my bandanna and try on hats. But when I saw a young girl do a double take with a gasp, I immediately stared back at her so that she had no option but to face her own discomfort, to which she realized she had been caught out and could do nothing else but sheepishly smile at me. I then continued as though it was the most normal thing for me to be.

My little dog Emily has become so protective over me that she even growled at Amy who also wanted to get close to me on the couch - it is so unlike Emily to do something like that ... fight with Amy. Emily follows me everywhere, afternoon naps, office, couch. I wonder if she senses something different in me.

I have never been a vampire movie fan - like New Moon Rising, True Blood, etc - but I have noticed lately that I tend to admire other people's arm veins. Imagine the fantasy world I would be living in if I were a fan of those movies!!!

My week also included the exciting news of a new addition to our family soon - yep I am going to be a Great Aunt ... sorry Kerry, I couldn't resist putting out another advertisement (.)(.)