Monday, Tuesday ... then W T F

One of my worst nightmares has happened. My veins have given up the ghost. Yesterday was the worst chemo experience ever. They couldn't find a vein that worked as my arteries have hardened, so out of desperation they had to get permission from the oncologist to use my right arm. They are not supposed to use this arm because of the operation. I guess it has to do with interference to the remaining nodes that are still trying to survive. But then again, what do I know - I ain't no doctor. I'm just making an educated guess!!

If they had not gone to the right arm, I was ready to walk out and say fuck it all as I am sure the next option would have been my feet - and that is no joke!! They also can't use the veins near the joints, like by your elbow. I was told that I don't have the best veins in town, and even though I thought they were pumping because I can see them through my skin, the sister showed me in comparison to hers what pumping really is. My veins are too deep.

I was on the verge of hysteria yesterday - crying and shaking uncontrollably. They had to drug me to calm me down. It is important to be calm otherwise the veins contract, and then it is impossible to find anything. One good thing though, I got to go on the bed and with the help of the drugs, slept through the whole thing after that.

I may have no option but go the stint route. This requires a small operation and a foreign object in my body for a year. It seems like a drastic measure considering I only have 4 sessions left and "why a year?" I asked. The answer "You might need to have more chemo after your 6 month test". Oh joy, just what I needed to hear. They are also aware of how I feel about this stint considering my friend Rhona died of septicemia from it when she was going in for a normal chemo treatment!!

Today I have decided that I am also going to fire my oncologist. I just don't warm to him and I am sure he contributed to my already emotional sensitivity that I had prior to going in. I have now finished the "red devil" chemo. The next lot is a new type of chemo which requires a whole lot of new drugs ... of which one of them is 16 cortisone pills per day.

It was hard to comprehend everything - take this 3 times a day, that 2 times a day, this 16 times a day - the drugs all have similar sounding names as well. When we asked him to repeat it for lack of comprehension, he suggested that we perhaps bring a tape recorder the next time. WTF!! If I want him to repeat it 10 times and/or write it down so that I fully understand, then surely I am paying for that privilege.

He has also cost me more unnecessary cost with the R200 a pop puke pill which we had just got another course of as we did not have enough for this last chemo treatment (and they only come in certain pack sizes) - cost R2000. He casually tells us, "oh those are no longer needed, and I am sure your chemist won't take it back"!! WTF!!

When I told him my ongoing concern about my weight gain and bloated feel, he casually says "I have told you to watch what you eat". Then in the next breath tells me to get a kidney test as it is not right that I should be bloated with this session of chemo - "it only happens with the next set of chemo". More joy!!

Right now, all I want to do is go back to bed ... feeling rather miffy and emotional. I have also just received an email joke from Lorraine that sums it all up - A fact of life is that after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F! (.)(.)