Still under construction

It's been a while since I posted something. I have had a lot to say and share from my experiences, but needless to say the motivation and energy is lacking.

Radiation is going well as it is painless and quick. I did however underestimate the energy that it would zap from me. My doctor, who I love to bits, reckons that as my healthy cells are also being zapped, the body uses up all my energy to heal. So what can I say, I am forced into 7 weeks of arvie naps and the like.

On top of this I am without office as I move over for yet another 5 week job that needs my office to meet deadlines. So with a houseful of people, no office to do anything else, routine gone astray, energy levels really low ... has led to my motivation being at an all time low. So I have been doing a lot of playing, sleeping, shopping, eating ... oh and did I say playing playing playing.

Unfortunately this has led to a lot of unmanageability in my life which is really unsafe for my other recovery and has led me astray to play - but I am glad to say that I am still alcohol-free and heading towards my 2 year clean time. Hil has said, I need to learn a bit of flexibility in my life. If I am like a rigid stick that has no bend, I will break. Never really thought I was like that, but I guess I am when I am so focused on maintaining something.

Sometimes I have felt quite down emotionally and put it down to the unmanageability in my life. My doc explained to me that my serotonin levels would have been depleted through both my recoveries and as my energy levels are so low it is even more difficult for the body to naturally produce them. So I have been given medication to help it along ... the good old "happy pills".

During my shopping expeditions, I even went out and got myself a new laptop, but have just not had the energy to set it all up - after some 3 weeks already. So unlike me when it comes to new toys.

As for the tits ... I have one very brown one and one very white one. From time to time I feel little sharp pains in the tittie being treated, much like I felt after the operation. But it lasts for a mere second or two.

My hair is growing back beautifully and I love it. I have a head full of hair with no bald spots, and it even styles to the side if I push it immediately after a shower. It is still too short for a brush or comb to have any effect. It feels so soft and velvety like a new born baby or a cat. It is a little fairer than normal, but straight where most people's hair grows back curly and grey (well the older ones at least). For a brief moment we thought my fairness was grey, but it is simply bum-fluffish. My doc says that I have a lot more pigment in my hair than most. Infact the odd greys grow longer than the rest ... like a bean stalk, that they have to be cut often. I shall post a photo soon - once I figure out how to load my new camera :-)

I am due to finish radiation at the end of May. I am told that the fatigue will stay with me for a while after treatment - yawn - so I reckon I should just put this year down to ... we learn (.)(.)