C'est La Vie

In the middle of writing my blog the other day, I stopped to write this email to my new oncologist:

Dear Dr X

I got a call from your PA yesterday confirming that you are happy to take me on from Dr XX. Thank you for this.

Would it be at all possible if I could ask you to give me the survival statistics if I had to stop all treatment now. I know this sounds like a rather rash request, but as I am only on precautionary treatment, I need to weigh up my odds as I am truly frightened of having to experience another episode like my last chemo treatment, where they battle to find a vein. Dr XX has suggested that I have a port put in, but I don’t really want to go that route as I have negative feelings towards it after my friend died 5 years ago from septicemia from the port, after just going in for a normal chemo treatment.

Much appreciated if you could let me have these stats.

Not surprising to not get my stats, but I did get this reply:

Please come and see me. I would like to have all the relevant information and then we can make a rational decision about it.

I am yet to make the appointment, but I will today. Although I think I have already made up my mind. My decision has had signs of confirmation (i.e. answered prayers and continuing synchronicity) which I shall write about another day for remembrance purposes.

As I have not made my final decision, I do pray and request that whatever that decision may be, that my friends and family will accept it as my decision and not try and talk me out of it. I have very good reasons for wanting to make this decision, and it is not just the reason of being frightened. All I can say now is that I should have listened to my intuition from the beginning, but I didn't. My faith, however has never been stronger than it is NOW (.)(.)